All Laid off and nothin' else to do...

Recently (1/9/2009) I was laid off from my job. It was a bittersweet moment. I was glad to leave in some ways because I wasn't passionate about it. I was sad to leave because we need money.

So, in the spare time I have had in between job searches, phone calls and resume sending, I have been forced to face some of my most unfavorite questions: "What are you passionate about?", "What do you feel called to?", "What do you want to do?" and my all time favorite "What is God telling you?". So far my response to each of these is, "I don't know, I am in crisis right now, I can't think."

I can recall that even in high school the things I enjoyed never paid well. Like for example, volunteer work. I love it but it's voluntary. I love ministry with Landon, I love the prayer room, I love worship, art and graphic design...each of which I can't get anyone to pay me a salary for. I have just enough courage and faith (or immaturity and short sightedness not sure which yet) to just throw caution to the wind, do ministry and the prayer room and pray that God would pay the mortgage. It scares me to death.

The question in the bottom of my gut that I don't like to deal with is "What are you going to do with your life?" Because I want so badly for my life to be significant, meaningful and without regret. I want to die knowing I didn't hold anything back for Christ to be revealed in me and to the world but at times I feel so powerless to make that happen. I feel powerless over my life having significance...there I just articulated the thing that's been foggy this last week. I feel powerless in having a significant life. Wow, blogs are helpful. I guess I must begin there and work my way up. I'll keep you posted.

I am creating a blog

I heard a joke the other day. A mother gave her son a diary and he read the front and said aloud "Dairy? Does this have to do with a cow?" The mom laughed and said "No son, you just write down your thoughts and feelings in it, sometimes it can help you think." The son's face turned into a realization "Oh, like a blog on paper, right?" Right...

The days of paper journals is slowly fading for me, mostly because I have more face time with a computer than free time to write but also because my thoughts come out at the speed of sound it feels at times, and I can type faster than scratching on paper.

This blog is to show family and friends what is going on in Landon and I's life (just trying to keep things current) and maybe someday inform friends and parteners of ours what their support of us has created.

So, Dear Diary,

I am about to write publicly the things that are normally private, too bad these things aren't supposed to have a pink heart shaped lock on the front...