A man in a dim bar was surprised to see the famous author, Ernest Hemingway sitting just down the counter from him. He approached the slightly inebriated author and through a strange course of events challenged the iconic writer to write a story in just six words. The man taunted Hemingway that it could not be done. As the man teased, Hemingway half interested scribbled on a napkin and handed it to the man, finished his drink and left. The napkin read: "For sale, baby shoes, never worn."
Lands like an anvil in your chest doesn't it?
Lately my short story might read "Footprints wanted but not seen."
Some of you may know I just got a tattoo last week (my first) of two footprints on my forearm (picture is below). After my miscarriage as I thought of a good way to have a memorial or remembrance, a tattoo stuck in my mind and I was fixated on two footprints that looked like ink prints when a child is born. I couldn't shake this image and I hassled my husband until he let me get it. So, 40 minutes and $120 dollars later, I had little footprints on my arm.
While the tattoo does obviously symbolize the grief of this loss, my memory of this unknown child and my desire to have children, it's taken on new meaning. I mentioned in my last blog Psalm 77 has been my friend and it continues to take shape in my heart the more I read it. This section has now been God's living word to me:
"Your way was through the sea, your path through the great waters; yet your footprints were unseen. You lead your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron." V. 19-20 ESV.
In Psalm 77 the writer is suffering somehow. He is crying and refusing comfort. He collects himself and asks if God has forsaken him and his people forever. The turning point comes when he says "then my soul made a diligent search" and the Psalmist lists God's faithfulness to Israel in delivering them out of Egypt, into the desert and through the Red Sea. He is making His soul remember the greatness, the goodness, the miraculousness of God to encourage his faith now when things seem very dark. What struck me was the line "yet Your footprints were unseen." And while the obvious meaning of God's invisible nature is present, I took something else. At times, in suffering, God's presence is not discernible- His form is unseen but it doesn't mean He is not leading you and shepherding you through your storm. Have you ever had something really difficult happen and it didn't seem supernatural, didn't feel God's presence when you hit the bottom but you do know you made it out- somehow you made it out into the light again. That's it. That's the time when His footprints are unseen.
I feel I am beginning to see light again. I haven't had any miraculous burning bush moments or really tender times of intimacy with God. It's probably looked a whole lot more like a kid throwing a tantrum that anything else. But I feel, I sense I am healing, feeling better, gaining more faith and hope. I can't really explain why other than I think God's making my way through this although I cannot perceive His footprints or His specific path. He leads me with footprints unseen.
So, when I take a look at my new arm- I remember that child who only God really knew, and the God who is leading me at times when I don't realize it. I hope this tattoo will continue to transform in meaning the longer I live with it...I also hope it doesn't transform too much as I age if you get my drift.
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