More dream stuff and this post is catharsis

The word "catharsis" always sounds like some cardiac condition to me. Anyway, I've had a bit of junk in my head and blogging has helped me in the past so here I am again.

I had a dream two nights ago that Landon and I bought a new house. It was a beautiful ranch-style sprawling 1 story with 5 or 6 rooms. I was "modern" but originally made in the 50's or 60's so a very cool "vintage modern" (I made my own oxymoron term!). I loved this house! I knew the house spread to the right where there were 3 bedrooms I think and then I went down an opposite hallway and was surprised to find another hallway to another wing and another 3 bedrooms!

Seems very normal huh...

I had 3 dreams like this just before I found out I was pregnant.

Now, with all my weird dreaming I rarely repeat. I had 3 dreams before I was pregnant that we bought a house and upon move in I found there was a whole new wing of the house I never knew about. One was an incredible workroom/ studio, one was a room filled with incredible antique Asian furniture and art and another was just more house-living room and kitchen and such. Now this...more bedrooms.

I don't know if this is an expression of where I want to be...or something God is telling me. The dreams before seemed random and weird and then made sense when I was pregnant so I thought it was God but now...that dream is back.

So, I don't really think I'm pregnant but that strange, visceral desire burns in me to have a family. I don't feel like I can explain it and I don't feel like it even makes sense. I know part of me has just given up, already, its silly but I do that to protect myself. I don't know where this is going, I don't know what we'll do, I don't know where God is leading and I have no idea how it will end. I've heard people say "If God told you the future and how your life would unfold you would freak out and run in the other direction"...I really hope so.